BDSM and bisexuality- Ellie's* story | Mildura Boudoir Photography
ELLIE* has always known she was bisexual. There was no real defining moment for the now 36-year-old.
"I never really came out and told anyone," the Mildura local said. "It was always just there."
"My friends just picked up on it when they witnessed some of my escapades when we went out. It just sort of filtered around from there."
"None of my family or friends were fussed about it."
Image source: Unsplash
While people have judged her over the years, Ellie said that was their own problem, as she isn't fussed by what others think.
She did, however, face challenges occasionally when in a heterosexual relationship.
"A couple of them thought that because I was bisexual, I'd instantly want to bring another girl into our relationship," Ellie said, explaining it led to some pretty intense disagreements.
"Also, while 99 percent of guys are respectful about it, there's that one percent who think bi females should act like they see in porn videos."
Image source: Unsplash
Now, Ellie only dates males - finding relationships with guys easier.
"I had a few relationships with girls when I was younger, but it was mainly just a mutual benefit thing with them," she said.
While bisexuality can even today still be met with judgement, Ellie said people have become more accepting of it in general over the years.
And she said she has the LGBTQI community to thank for some of the best times of her life.
"If you're curious about the same sex, there's no shame in finding someone to talk to," Ellie said. "It can be very confusing for some people for a lot of different reasons. Mallee Pride also has some great information."
Ellie said BDSM wasn't always about sex. It taught her different ways of getting pleasure without getting naked and having sex.
"The most important thing to remember about it", she said, "is there is nothing bad, dirty or wrong about it."
"I was involved in mainly bondage (shibari), discipline, domination and submission," Ellie said. "It all depended on who I was with at the time."
Despite enjoying BDSM, Ellie said not all sex went down that path.
"Some people just aren't keen on it, and there is nothing wrong with good old vanilla sex," she said.
"Both are as good as the other in my book."
For family reasons, Ellie is no longer a part of the BDSM scene, but said those who are interested in experimenting with BDSM should do their research, with plenty of resources out there.
"Don't be afraid to ask questions," she said.
"As for trying something, my first experience involved silk rope ties."
"Look for something that you are comfortable with, something that interests you."
While Ellie admits there is judgement on those that enjoy the BDSM lifestyle, she believes it is mostly because people are scared of what they don't know.
"I've had good and bad experiences with BDSM," she said. "The good far outweigh the bad."
* Not her real name.
Are you involved in an open relationship, sex industry or swinging scene? Are you part of the LGBTQI community?
We want to embrace and empower everyone through our Pure Beauty website, so if you think you have an interesting story to share that will assist us in breaking down the barriers, we want to hear from you.
Helping little people deal with big feelings | Mildura Intimate Boudoir Photography
Recently, I was chatting to my sister, who works in the mental health field, about some big emotions my seven year old was experiencing.
During the conversation she happened to mention Kids Helpline - a service I had definitely heard of before, but to be honest, thought things had to be pretty extreme to contact.
Appropriate local services can have a lengthy wait for appointments, and if you are like me, you’d like to see your little one’s mind put at ease sooner rather than later.
In our case, Kids Helpline certainly hasn’t replaced these services, but it is a good go to in the interim.
Chatting to other local mums since, it seems to be that when big things are troubling little minds, Kids Helpline really is an under used and untapped resource.
Kids Helpline was founded in 1991 and on the first day alone answered 3200 calls. By the end of that year, nine months later, their counsellors had taken 90,000 calls.
In 2018, after 27 years of service, eight million calls had been made to Kids Helpline, well and truly establishing its need within the country.
So what can Kids Helpline assist with?
Plenty of things.
But first let’s look into what Kids Helpline is and who it can help.
In Australia, Kids Helpline is the only free, confidential and private counselling service available 24/7 either online or by phone.
It assists those aged five to 25 years of age, although there is an associated service available to help parents.
There are so many big emotions our little ones feel, and it’s expected they might not know how to handle them all. After all, it’s something adults often still struggle with.
They might be feeling angry, anxious, lonely, sad, scared or stressed. This could be from something that has happened at home or school.
Maybe it’s body issues, bullying or cyberbullying, family or friendship issues, mental health or feeling unsafe.
Probably one of the biggest, most impressive things for me was that despite being apprehensive when first calling, the counsellor quickly made my son feel comfortable.
He was so comfortable that he came running out of his room mid conversation asking for paper and a pen as the counsellor told him her name so he could ask for her next time if he wanted.
And after a lengthy conversation with the counsellor you could see the positive result it had on him.
There are some things to encourage your child to, or if you are a young person calling, think about before you call, such as what problem are you hoping to discuss and what is your goal or outcome from the session.
While your call is confidential, Kids Helpline do have a Duty of Care, which means they might need to tell somebody if you or someone else are in danger of being significantly harmed or in a life threatening situation.
The Kids Helpline website can be accessed through https://kidshelpline.com.au/
Its layout is really easy to navigate and not only can you access counselling through the page, but it also provides plenty of advice and information about a range of topics that impact young people - from ADHD, feelings, respect and setting boundaries.
- Zoey Andrews
Dating disasters and Tinder tales | Mildura Boudoir Photography
... The guy who drank too much
I WAS living in another city and wasn’t driving. I got asked on a date by this guy, Brad*, who I had a major crush on for ages.
Date night rolled around and I got myself all dolled up for the evening and headed out, catching two different buses on about a 40 minute trip to where we were meeting.
We met up and Brad drove us into the city for dinner and knowing there were a few nice places around I was excited to see where he was taking me.
We ended up at the Tradies Club, which was okay, but not the most romantic of settings, and grabbed a drink and ordered tea.
Brad and I were having a good chat getting to know each other and I thought it was going well… until his phone rang.
It was his friend telling him there was a band playing at a bar around the corner we both frequented.
He proceeded to explain how much he really wanted to go and that he had forgotten it was on that night, and, of course, me being accommodating, I suggested he go thinking he was trying to blow me off.
He asked me if I’d like to go with him, as he wanted to introduce me to his friends, so I said yes and we cancelled our already cooking order.
We got to the bar and Brad said he would grab us some drinks and be back.
At this point I ran into some friends, thankfully, because Brad disappeared. I didn’t see him for the rest of the gig and despite sending him messages he didn’t reply.
When the band finished, my friends were leaving, so I followed them out the door and that’s when I saw him - drunk as a skunk, only vertical, thanks to being held up by two friends.
Unfortunately he saw me and called out: “Oh, let me take you home. I was meant to drive you home!”
“Yes, yes you were, but no thank-you,” I replied.
To which he said he would see me again, before throwing up everywhere.
I had to run to make it to the last bus out of the city, which I did, but I missed the connecting bus back home, so a friend rescued me at 12.30am.
Looking back, at least I got to see one of my favourite bands, unplanned, and truth be told, I probably had more fun with my friends then I would have had with him anyway.
... The guy that was too pushy
JUST before lockdown, I started seeing a guy.
One night we went out for drinks and he wanted to get a bit adventurous in public.
I’m not one for public displays, especially sex, so he decided to attempt to tease me to persuade me otherwise.
Instead I told him where to go and turned around to his little sister and started making out with her.
We got free drinks and he got kicked out of the bar.
... The guy that lied about his Dad dying
I WAS living four hours from Sydney when I met a guy from there, who was planning on moving to my town.
Harry* and I spent two weeks together with him mostly staying at my place before he had to go home.
He was lovely the entire time and even respected the fact I didn’t want to take our relationship to an intimate level until I got to know him better.
Harry returned home and we communicated daily. He had decided that he wanted to come back and he was going to look at houses when he did.
I liked a good road trip so offered, with my best friend, drive the four hours and pick him up.
We arrived and he wasn’t where he said he would be, so I called him.
He didn’t answer at first but called me back about half an hour later.
Apologising immensely he said he was at a friends farewell drinks at Kings Cross, but was good to go if we could come get him.
Being a Saturday night, Kings Cross was bedlam, and I really needed to pee so I drove around to find a McDonalds.
The toilet was downstairs in the dingiest, dodgiest looking stairwell but I needed to go.
Peeing away, a couple comes in and starts doing the deed in the cubicle next to me so I hopped the heck out of there and ran back to the car.
I called Harry to let him know I was at Kings Cross and messaged him, but once again got no response.
We decided we were going home, so I messaged him telling him and he called me back.
My friend, who is male, answered and blasted him for giving us the run around to which Harry told him he had received a phone call saying his Dad, who lived in New Zealand, had passed away unexpectedly.
Feeling terrible we asked if he still wanted a ride and he declined. Considering the circumstances, I said I would speak to him the next day.
As I said I would, I checked up on Harry and continued talking to him until I found out he was coming back to our town regularly to see and sleep with another girl while stringing me along.
I have since found out his Dad did not pass away but instead the night we drove to pick him up was the night he met the other girl from my town.
... The guy who moved out on me
WHEN I was 17 I met a guy online, who I, at the time, thought was an Emo dream boat.
He was two years older than me and we spoke for months before he asked if I would like to come and stay with him for a week and see how things went.
I gave mum his name and address (both my parents were police officers), he purchased me a bus ticket and I was on my way a few days later.
Everything was going so well, I met his friends and got along well with them all, including his roommate.
He even asked me to stay a week longer to see how our connection would go further and once again I agreed since I had no job or school to rush home for.
A few days later I had just got out of the shower, and there was a knock at his front door.
To my horror it was two officers my mum’s colleague had sent to make sure I was safe.
They absolutely berated the guy I was staying with while I watched on speechless in my towel.
It was only a day or two later, the guy decided he was moving back to his mum’s house and that I needed to find somewhere else to stay. He also wasn’t going to pay for my return trip, as previously agreed.
His housemate and their friend ended up taking me in at their new house temporarily before I moved more permanently in with another friend.
... The guy who was just rude
... The guy that sent the wrong message
I HAD been speaking to a guy through Tinder quite extensively for about a week. It was the weekend and he was going away.
We were chatting late into the night as he travelled and, although we had spoken about meeting up one day, we hadn’t made any concrete plans.
This night he seemed a bit wishy-washy with his responses, they were different from usual, but he was still very charming.
Imagine my surprise then when I got a message from him saying he was only a few minutes away and describing the “fun” we were going to have.
Confused, I firstly told him he didn’t know where I lived and secondly, that I thought he was away. Then it sunk in and I asked if that message was meant for another girl.
At least he had the decency to reply that it was!
We would love to share more of your dating disasters and Tinder tales. If you have a story to share please get in contact with Zoey Andrews.
In the Trenches - Women Can Do Anything! | Mildura Intimate Portraiture
“I think girls have more patience and maybe are not as confident so can be a bit more careful and slower in what they have to do,” Kelly said.
When it’s tools down Kelly is back to being a mum of two, with a step daughter as well so there is never a dull moment.
“But I wouldn’t have any other way,” she said.
Here you will find my featured babes, #wearepurebeauty , as well as some tips for your boudoir shoot- from lingerie shopping to hair and makeup
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Mildura resident and Photographer, Lauren Southwell launched Pure Beauty in late June, 2018 & is committed to helping woman feel beautiful, sexy and empowered through the art of Boudoir Photography.