BDSM and bisexuality - Ellie's* story | Mildura Boudoir Photography

BDSM and bisexuality- Ellie's* story | Mildura Boudoir Photography

ELLIE* has always known she was bisexual. There was no real defining moment for the now 36-year-old.

 "I never really came out and told anyone," the Mildura local said.  "It was always just there."

 "My friends just picked up on it when they witnessed some of my escapades when we went out.  It just sort of filtered around from there."
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 "None of my family or friends were fussed about it." 
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Image source: Unsplash

While people have judged her over the years, Ellie said that was their own problem, as she isn't fussed by what others think.
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She did, however, face challenges occasionally when in a heterosexual relationship.

 "A couple of them thought that because I was bisexual, I'd instantly want to bring another girl into our relationship," Ellie said, explaining it led to some pretty intense disagreements.

 "Also, while 99 percent of guys are respectful about it, there's that one percent who think bi females should act like they see in porn videos."
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Image source: Unsplash

Now, Ellie only dates males - finding relationships with guys easier. 

"I had a few relationships with girls when I was younger, but it was mainly just a mutual benefit thing with them," she said.

While bisexuality can even today still be met with judgement, Ellie said people have become more accepting of it in general over the years.

And she said she has the LGBTQI community to thank for some of the best times of her life.

"If you're curious about the same sex, there's no shame in finding someone to talk to," Ellie said. "It can be very confusing for some people for a lot of different reasons. Mallee Pride also has some great information."
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Ellie has also been part of the BDSM scene in the past, with a chance encounter with it at 18.

 "I met someone who was involved on a night out," Ellie said.

 "He mentioned it, and we got to talking, as I was already interested in it.

"He was a Dominant and very patient with someone learning the ropes."
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Ellie said BDSM wasn't always about sex. It taught her different ways of getting pleasure without getting naked and having sex.

"The most important thing to remember about it", she said, "is there is nothing bad, dirty or wrong about it."

​"I was involved in mainly bondage (shibari), discipline, domination and submission," Ellie said.  "It all depended on who I was with at the time."

 Despite enjoying BDSM, Ellie said not all sex went down that path.

 "Some people just aren't keen on it, and there is nothing wrong with good old vanilla sex," she said.

 "Both are as good as the other in my book." 
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For family reasons, Ellie is no longer a part of the BDSM scene, but said those who are interested in experimenting with BDSM should do their research, with plenty of resources out there.

 "Don't be afraid to ask questions," she said.

 "As for trying something, my first experience involved silk rope ties."

 "Look for something that you are comfortable with, something that interests you."

 While Ellie admits there is judgement on those that enjoy the BDSM lifestyle, she believes it is mostly because people are scared of what they don't know.

 "I've had good and bad experiences with BDSM," she said. "The good far outweigh the bad."

* Not her real name.  

Are you involved in an open relationship, sex industry or swinging scene? Are you part of the LGBTQI community?
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